Name: [redacted]
Grade: 9
Reason: One time, when I was six, one of my mom's old boyfriends picked me up from the playground and kept me in the car for an hour, doing horrible things to me that I could never bear to repeat. He had a goatee. Ever since then, I've always had a strong desire to harm anyone I saw with a goatee. It cripples my social life. It forces me to compulsively shave three times a day. I can't even play Half-Life. Anyway, our substitute in second period had a goatee. I'd like to see a counselor before he regains consciousness.
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